Trytosmile's Blog

okay this is really weird, i know this is my first boyfriend and all but why do i have to miss him so much its only been like two days with out seeing him and it feels like a month =[ why???????!!!!!!!!!!!! sigh, it's really confusing for me. I bet there is lots of people but not used to it oh well meh cant really do anything about it will have to deal with it in my own little way i guess =] thought i would write it down since it wont go out of head and its all i can think about so depressing -__- well thats all keep well

trytosmile

well to let you know what I’ve been up to is nothing much just hanging out with the bf and the feelings for him are growing =], I’ve been feeling really bad lately cuz i kinda hurt his feelings and without realizing it. I feel like such a bitch to him and all he does is try his best, I kinda speak before i think and only after wards do i realize what Ive done =[, i hated my self soo much when i did that, I thought i had lost him and that he didn’t like me any more and i didn’t know what to do. I was scared to say anything just in case i made it worse, but not saying anything doesn’t help either. I like him a lot i probs even love him but i don’t really understand how he feels. He says he likes me but i don’t know how much, he’ll probs read this and be like wtf??. I’m just scared i wont be good enough for him and that he might deserve someone better, and cuz i have no clue what to do i always poke him or hit him not too hard but its still hitting him and my mother tells me not to do that. I don’t know I’m just really confused on everything and i know couples fight but i don’t ever want to fight with him i don’t think any one wants to fight with the person they like/love. I miss him a lot when hes gone back home even tho i know I’m gonna see him again in so many days but i still miss him heaps, i don’t understand why that is??. I’m also not very good at talking about how i feel cuz i can never know how to explain it to people. I also hate making him drive all the way to my house to see me and pick me up and take me to his house or other places, and how he pays for me when we go to movies or when we eat out i want to find a job already and I’ve applied to lots of jobs and they still haven’t called me back and if they did i didn’t get the job and i want to move out so mom and dad don’t always have to pay for me as well and i feel guilty for them always giving me money to do stuff with friends. Sigh well no one ever said it was easy, I’m learning that right now. I must sound so stupid right now but the only place i feel i can get stuff off my chest is here, well i think thats it I’ll maybe post another one maybe tomorrow not sure when i will again, and the place was called lone star i think thats how it was spelt??

trytosmile

hello all, i know i havent been writing anything for a couple of days now only cuz i havent had time to do it lol been busy with friends and the bf im at his house right now and he has gone to do something cant remember what he said he was going to do lol =]. I went out with his parents to dinner cant remember what the place was called now lol but it was really yum XD I had smothered chicken with cheese and mushrooms and some salad. Then for dessert we all had this brownies with fudge and ice-cream and whip-cream too sooooooo good =D. Went to the doctors as well to have my x-ray on the 7th and it is confirmed that i have polycystic ovaries syndrome, so was abit upset but my mom says that she has it too and she was able to have four children so i shouldnt be too worried that i wont be able to have children when im older. Its 9:08pm right now still pretty early dont know what we are going to do now but hopefully it will be really fun . Thats all i can think about now will update you tomorrow or maybe later and if i havent told you before still looking for a job hopefully will get one soon, oh and joel who is my bf will be going out for one month on monday =] YAY lol and he brought me a really nice swimsuit too it was like $159 lol so cool XD will im pretty sure thats it now lol talk again

trytosmile

Sorry for not writing in ages been really busy hanging out with the bf and getting closer , hanged out with friends and family, went over to my bf’s house and i was allowed to sleep over which is really rare considering how my mother is sooo strict with me and he slept over at mine too. We went on the ferris wheel and the fire works went off when we were on it so that was sooo cool and they were so beautiful too i hope every one else had a good new yrs and i hope for the best for the yr coming

trytosmile